Ministering through Motherhood
April (7) and Robbie (10)

As a young girl, I never really fantasized about being a mother. Motherhood was not something I really considered. I guess, like all yoiung adults, I was consumed with myself. I knew at some point in my life that I would eventually have children but I never thought I would have my first by the age of 20 and then another by 23.

I officially became a mother in March of 2011 when I gave birth to my son. I use the term "officially" loosely because my, now-husband, already had a daughter from a previous relationship. I met my husband when I was 16 and his daughter was 2 and half at that time. When him and I started to become serious, I was around his daugher more often. I kind of took the step-mother role without the official title. I nurtured his daughter as if she were my own so the transition into motherhood full-time was pretty simple, so I thought!

Let me make that clear - 'The transition into motherhood full-time was pretty simple"

The actually parenting portion was another story. I...WAS...NOT...READY! NOT ONE BIT! See, it was one thing to help take care of someone else's child and it was another to raise your own. I was like the fun aunt or big sister to my step-daughter and strangely enough she actually felt like a niece or little sister. I didn't have to worry about her doctor appointments, schooling, clothing, eating. None of that. If my husband needed help with watching and entertaining her, I was there, willing and able. So when I became a mother myselfnand I had to handle the technical parts of parenting, I did not like it. I didn't transition well in that area.

Becoming a mother really revealed parts of myself that I didn't know were broken. I mean, 'tore up from the floor up!' I thought I would be the best mother. The loving, nurturing, patient and present mom that I wanted as child. But unbeknownst to me, life's traumas prevented me from opening that door. And to think, I literally thought I was doing everything right. In hindsight, I thank God for working through my life because I was none of the above. I wasn't loving, nurturing or patient. I give myself credit for being present but there is a difference in being there and being there, if you know what I mean. I was in the room but wasn't really soaking up the moments.

In this section of my blog, I'd like to share my motherhood journey with you. I am not the same person that I was back then. My values have changed. My view on being a mother has changed. Everything about me has been transformed for the better. Motherhood is a BIG responsibilty. We are actually shaping the future. Building a generation. Raising gifts from God. I still don't get it right but I am extended grace everyday to learn from my mistakes and change my behavior. I pray this section of my blog encourages you that even if you started out on the wrong foot, we have the opportunity to get it right!